No Stupid Questions? Well, just stupid answers...

1. When asked about slating, with just about 1/3 of the total number of people qualifying slating for his party, IMPACT Party President Thomas Jardon says he's optimistic despite comparably low numbers. He then went on to blame it on the rain. - Well, thats just stupid. How can somoene be ooptimistic about getting the least support in a contest, when someone simply says "Hey, you're a nice guy, but you're just not quite as good", consider doing something else with your time.

2. Elections may hamper computer lab - Student Government has gone through slogans like "For Students by Students", some happy horseshit about the Gator Nation, and that "Have you been touched?" with a big black handprint on the poster that made people shudder and walk a little faster for fear of being molested by the big hand of SG. In any case, the point of SG as exhibited by the slogans is to serve students. Well, this election SG will be serving students the bird when they try to print at the SG Computer Lab. (Oh yeah and calling this Plan Z was really cute, too bad we wont remember when we cant print the goddamn assignments that we need to do to get a decent education. SG DOES NOT COME FIRST!

3. Gators' Meyer to headline Black Student Assembly - He's the football coach, I understand that he may feel like he needs to reach out to people so here's what you all need to do. STOP INVITING HIM. Seriously, the man has a football program to fix. Stop wasting his time.

• 3.1 "We want to inspire students to be trendsetters" - Well what the fuck does that mean? The last thing we need is 101 little Paris Hilton wannabes running around the school saying things like "Thats Hot", and "I dont understand why there's a camera every time I'm having sex"
• 3.2. Diane Kassim, UF's first black female senate president, will recieve an award for her "outstanding" student leadership? - Wait... isnt that like getting an award for getting an award? THE REWARD FOR HER LEADERSHIP WAS THE SENATE PRESIDENCY.

4. Feelings on New Logo Mixed - The University of Florida has to date spent about 285,000 dollars to come up with logos and slogans for the University. "The Foundation for a Gator Nation" is what these geniuses came up with. The creativity and intelligence must be oozing out of the heads of these people (careful, watch your step or you'll slip on oozing grey matter). The Special Olympics basketball team could have done better, and you probably would have saved 284,950 because 12 ice cream cones would have done the trick.

• 4.1 - Lets try...
• University of Florida: No Booze, No Fun, No Problem
• University of Florida: The Other Harvard
• University of Florida: What fucking chains?
• The Foundation for a Gator Nation (No longer allowing student inebriation)

Online Voting - Read the goddamn statutes!

OK boys and girls, maybe you haven't noticed but, all of this noise I keep hearing about as futile as trying to pleasure a quadriplegic. You're trying and trying, but he ain't feeling a damn thing...

Lets thing this through logically... Clearly since it has gotten this far you don't have the luxury of that "logic" thing so let me help you out.

I. Student Government is in fact its own, independent legal entity created by the FL State Legislature through statute. (This is why it's subject to sunshine laws, etc... which means that it must follow the goddamn laws as decided by the Florida Legislature)

II. Oh yeah... and there are more statutes
101.041 Secret voting.--In all elections held on any subject which may be submitted to a vote, and for all or any state, county, district, or municipal officers, the voting shall be by secret, official ballot printed and distributed as provided by this code, and no vote shall be received or counted in any election, except as prescribed by this code.

- I guess this would be there for the purpose, of oh... I dont know... safeguarding your constitutional right to vote in any goddamn way you please, free from pressure, oppression, or persecution.

101.043 Identification required at polls.--
(1) The precinct register, as prescribed in s. 98.461, shall be used at the polls in lieu of the registration books for the purpose of identifying the elector at the polls prior to allowing him or her to vote. The clerk or inspector shall require each elector, upon entering the polling place, to present a current and valid picture identification as provided in s. 97.0535(3)(a). If the picture identification does not contain the signature of the voter, an additional identification that provides the voter's signature shall be required. The elector shall sign his or her name in the space provided, and the clerk or inspector shall compare the signature with that on the identification provided by the elector and enter his or her initials in the space provided and allow the elector to vote if the clerk or inspector is satisfied as to the identity of the elector.

- I guess that would mean that you have to get off your ass and go somewhere to vote. Until we get lazy enough to where we need people to come door to door so we can vote, we're going to have to make this work. You know, democracy is a good thing... you have a choice to vote or not to vote. In certain countries voting is a compulsory process, you get fined for not showing up. If you're too lazy to get off your ass to vote here, its your goddamn right to sit at home playing your XBOX and eating twinkies and you dont have to send "the man" a check.

101.51 Electors to occupy booth alone; time allowed.--
(1) When the elector presents himself or herself to vote, the election official shall ascertain whether the elector's name is upon the register of electors, and, if the elector's name appears and no challenge interposes, or, if interposed, be not sustained, one of the election officials stationed at the entrance shall announce the name of the elector and permit him or her to enter the booth or compartment to cast his or her vote, allowing only one elector at a time to pass through to vote. No elector, while casting his or her ballot, shall occupy a booth or compartment longer than 5 minutes or be allowed to occupy a booth or compartment already occupied or to speak with anyone, except as provided by s. 101.051, while in the polling place.
(2) If an elector requires longer than 5 minutes, then upon a sufficient reason he or she may be granted a longer period of time by the election officials in charge. After casting his or her vote, the elector shall at once leave the polling room by the exit opening and shall not be permitted to reenter on any pretext whatever. After the elector has voted, or declined or failed to vote within 5 minutes, he or she shall immediately withdraw from the polling place. If the elector refuses to leave after the lapse of 5 minutes, he or she shall be removed by the election officials.

- So I couldn't figure out the purpose of this one without some deep thought... but lets say you walk into a poll and you're going to vote for Joe Schmoe, and some prick musclebound meat head wants to vote for John Doe and he sees you voting for Joe Schmoe, its possible that in his fit of roid rage he could kick your ass. African Americans suffered through this kind of bullshit intimidation early on after they were given the right to vote.


101.5603 Definitions relating to Electronic Voting Systems Act.--As used in this act, the term:
(1) "Automatic tabulating equipment" includes apparatus necessary to automatically examine, count, and record votes.
(2) "Ballot" means the card, tape, or other vehicle upon which the elector's choices are recorded.
(3) "Ballot information" means the material containing the names of offices and candidates and the questions to be voted on.
(4) "Electronic or electromechanical voting system" means a system of casting votes by use of voting devices or marking devices and counting ballots by employing automatic tabulating equipment or data processing equipment, and the term includes touchscreen systems.
(5) "Marking device" means any approved device for marking a ballot with ink or other substance which will enable the ballot to be tabulated by means of automatic tabulating equipment.
(6) "Secrecy envelope" means an opaque device, used for enclosing a marked ballot, which conceals the voter's choices.
(7) "Software" means the programs and routines used to employ and control the capabilities of data processing hardware, including, without limitation, operating systems, compilers, assemblers, utilities, library routines, maintenance routines, applications, and computer networking programs.
(8) "Voting device" means an apparatus by which votes are registered electronically.

- This does not mean that you can vote from your home computer, it means that they can set up a computer or other device at the polls to allow you to vote electronically (the benefits are that you get to change your vote should you screw up, and the votes get counted more quickly, not that you can vote from home while watching porn on your computer. Voting should be a serious decision, people dont need any more distractions when making these decisions... god knows that like most of you... they're all wrong too... I mean just look at the 2000 election.

So here's the bottom line. - SG is created by the State of Florida so it has to follow the laws of the State of Florida. Lets also not forget that the greeks will just line up their drones at their meetings and make them vote one way or another under the threat of not letting them pop up their pink polo shirt collars when they head to their trendy rich boy drinking establishment of choice.

So the point is this: It doesn't matter whether it's a good idea or a bad idea, its just illegal. So stop bickering, have a big group hug, have a drink and realize that You're All Wrong!

Summer Safety tips??? - Apparently there is nothing better to write about.

http://www.alligator.org/pt2/050714summersafety.php

Lets break it down...

Three Shark Attacks - What? In less than one month? How can it be? Florida had a population of15,982,378 in 2000 (Probably much higher now with people swimming over every day). Statistically, probably not going to happen to you... my recommendation is that you wait till someone hops out of the water holding a limb in their hands, verify that it was in fact a shark, then go in, then statistically you're REALLY safe. I do however recommend chumming the water if you'd like to meet one of our gentle friends of the sea.

Storm "Survival" - "Don't ever stand under a tree or picnic shelter during a storm," she said. "Find a substantial building for shelter, which means a building with sturdy walls." See I never could have figured that one out on my own, I always thought you were supposed to do something else... the "STOP, DROP, & ROLL" of Storms.

1. STOP! - Do the cute little hand motion with it too
2. GRAB! - The longest copper wire you can find
3. GO! - To the highest unsheltered point on the beach, or park

The Sun - We're apparently not talking about the Gainesville Sun here, though journalists are much more dangerous than the flaming ball of hydrogen that warms the planet earth and gives us light. (Wouldnt it be great if there were no sun? We'd probably have evolved without eyes which really isnt so bad because the female driver in the car next to you wouldn't slam into you while trying to apply her makeup.) Anywho... if you havent figured out that the Sun can lead to sunburn, then here's an experiment. Fly to the Sahara, take your shirt off, lie there in the blistering sun for 4 days - lets see whether that sun block helps.

Jellyfish & Man-of-War & Other Loveable Creatures of the Sea - Awww... they look so cute, they cant possibly hurt me. Folks, didn't we all learn this lesson in Jurassic Park when the little cute dinosaur was following the fat guy who was trying to steal the embryos, AND THEN ATE HIM? Anything that looks cute and cuddly can either 1) kill you or 2) grow up then kill you.

1. Panda Bears - Article
   A Panda looks cuddly and cute but will whoop your ASS, it'll gut you with its massive claws quicker 'n you can say "Damn the Chinese for giving him to us"
2. Dolphins - Article
   I want to swim with the dolphins!... Yeah well, not me... I dont want to get violated by one of those little bastards. When Flipper gets drunk, Flipper wants some ass, and Flipper apparently ain't takin "NO!" for an answer. I mean what the hell did you expect parading around in that provocative bathing suit?
3. Kangaroos - Article
   Yeah, happy go-lucky bouncing animals with their babies in a pouch my ass. Apparently, they've gone into people's backyards and attacked people. I'd say these are more dangerous than sharks since they can attack you IN YOUR OWN HOME. Where did we go wrong? Goddamn drugs in our schools!
4. Chimps - Article
   We've all heard of the cute and cuddly Bubbles that Michael Jackson... err... um... keeps... around... for no sexual reason whatsoever. Well these two morons buy their adopted chimp a cake and go to the goddman zoo to celebrate its birthday (could have just thrown him a banana but no... they had to make themselves feel better). Who knew the other chimps would get jealous and fly into a murderous rage? I wonder if he got to try the cake having his face rebuilt and nose reattached?

Rip Tides - If the sign that says "Warning do Not Swim in the Water - Rip Tide Alert" isnt enough for you, you're a moron or one of these "Conquer Nature" Pricks. If you're going to ignore the warning at least cut yourself in 12-13 places to attract the sharks, at least you'll avoid the time and effort expended in the search that will eventually turn up your cold, bloated, carcass floating along the coastline.

Alligators - I mean if you didnt get the memo, you're the most gullible prick on the planet. You know that pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow? Yeah? Well now they keep it inside the alligators... put your head in its mouth... take a look.

You're All Wrong! - Initial Post

So I was sitting here, reading all of your blogs, and I came to the realization: You're all WRONG!!! While normally I'm not so arrogant as to think that I should post my views (facts) on the internet for all to read, I feel a duty to educate you people.

I gotta tell you, after reading what you people think about who the "next SG big shot" is or who runs UF Student Government or who the next SG President is going to be, nothing is more apparent to me than this:

You are trying to seem important and in the know. On the off chance that you get one of your many predictions right, I'll chalk that up to inevitability - you're no better than the 1000th monkey slapping the keyboard that just happened to turn out Shakespeare.

"Caesar shall forth. The things that threatened me
Ne'er looked but on my back; when they shall see
The face of Caesar, they are vanished" (Julius Caesar, Act II, Scene II, Lines 10-12)

- The Son of Lot